Hey buddy

Last night I made a $23 dollar decision

I was on my way to Taco Bell to buy my usual 2 bean burritos, est. cost: dollar and 89 cents. To get to Broadway, I drove by the Lynch Street Bistro and SUDDENLY, without warning, I absolutely had to have risotto. Just to make sure, I drove around the block again. YES, my mind screamed, RISOTTO, RISOTTO.

Lynch Street is not inexpensive. I sit at the bar, order a draft beer ($2.50--I'm already over my gross total at Taco Bell and I haven't even opened the menu). I open the menu. No risotto. No risotto? No risotto. So, now I have a bit of a dilemma. I'm really not keen on paying 18-25 bucks for an entree that I didn't have a craving for, but I also don't want it to look like I'm leaving because I didn't expect it to be so expensive, so I'm looking at the Jasminlive menu trying to figure out how I can eke out a small meal with appetizers, etc. for about $10 dollars or so. The bartender returns and says, "Chef says he can make you a risotto. What would you like in it?" I gave a couple of simple requests (creamy, spinache, no seafood) and voila! RISOTTO. It was very good risotto--some parmesan, some spinach, some mushrooms, some arti hearts, some bacon. I brought the rest to work with me and had it for lunch. Total w/tip: $25 bucks. However, had I not brought in the leftovers for lunch, I probably would have gone out today and spent 10 dollars (roughly) on lunch anyhow, so really, I'm only down about $13 because of my craving.

I'm getting a new cell phone

Finally. I really should have done something about this sooner. Mine completely died (after a long bout with LCD illness) a couple of months ago. This will be a good thing.

This is how not having a cell phone affected my life yesterday. Yesterday, I had initially planned to go to the Meow after work. And I told the POB this much when I talked to him around 2:30. However, seeing as how it was so nice outside, I thought perhaps I'd go to Mol's instead so I could sit in the sun and read. But, the POB was not answering his cell phone when I called before leaving. My dilemma? It is much easier to use the phone at the Meow than to use the phone at Molly's--for a variety of reasons, none of which are worth mentioning. And, I didn't want to be somewhere other than I said I was going to be, because I assumed from the tone of our conversation that he might meet me at the Meow. Might. Wasn't sure, because I was unable to catch him before I left. So, I went to the Meow, after much internal debate, because I figured, I'll just go to Molly's on Friday.

It never occured to me that it might not be as nice today as it was yesterday.

I walked into the Meow and Jan hands me the phone before anything else. "The POB called for you a little bit ago."

"Damn," I said, "You know your life has hit a new level when you're getting messages at the bar."

I will take this opportunity to remind everyone that I was the first Ben's success is just one more stepping stone to my own fame and footnote in internet history. Just like you know, that one guy, that was the first subscriber to Blogger.com.

A cell phone could have helped me avoid all of this.

I'd rather talk about my campaign for Aaron Sorkin for President

Initially this was a comment on this post at Matt's site, but it was so long and self-involved, I thought it better to post it here.

I learned a long time ago that when you keep parts of yourself and who you "really" are hidden from other people, whether intentionally or not, they're going to fill in the blanks. Very few people from chaturbate know me, or who I am, or what I'm about--not even some of my close friends. When there's a perception issue, I try to correct it (if I give a fuck) or let whomever it is think whatever they want.

On my blog, for instance, no matter how much people think that I let it all hang out, I don't. At Bailey Bros. the other night, Kat asked me a question about something I'd posted the day before and I indicated that things may be over between the POB and myself. She mentioned that I didn't really seem happy anyway, but quickly noted that she only knows what I've written in my blog. There's a lot I don't write.

And in the "real world" there's a lot I don't say or don't talk about. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, I don't think it, etc. It just means I haven't said it out loud.

So, people don't always have an accurate perception of who I am. Occasionally I run into someone who "gets me"--usually someone I don't know well, and I'm plumb flabbergasted. This is my own fault. It is also my right and my privilege to let people see what parts of them I want to see; I just have to deal with whatever repercussions might arise from this decision.

Likewise, my perceptions of people change often. And seemingly at random. Not just on the internet--that's such a small portion of my life, really. Most (probably 80%) of my interaction with people takes place in person. I don't IM, I don't spend a lot of time emailing people (except with my friends with whom I used to send postcards or letters--and sometimes still do). I rarely use the internet, the blogging community, etc. to communicate with others. (Except work email, I guess).

But yes, in virtual exchanges, I think there will, indeed, be perception issues. This is a flat medium. This issue is by no means limited to e-or i-communications. I met a guy the summer before my senior year in college. We were together about 10 days before he went home for the 4 weeks before Fall Semester started. We decided that during that period we would decide if we wanted to see each other exclusively when he returned. While we did talk on the phone a couple of times, we communicated via letter. (Oh, when I think back to those days when I used to get letters on a daily basis from people!) He came back to Carbondale, and we decided to be together. Several months later, we were engaged. It took some time for me to realize that he wasn't the guy I had turned him into when all I had was the first 10 days, the weeks of letters and a couple of phone calls. In fact, on our first date, I wanted to walk out on him, but we were on the roof and I was wearing a little miniskirt and required assistance to get back in the house. But 4 weeks of letters erased all that.

Now, I'm not really sure why I felt the need to say all this. It's pretty damn basic, and actually, it's fairly old hat. You all know all this already. Don't you?

Things are getting better

My office mate from www.jasminelive.online came in with an armful of geek books. Not computer geek books. You computer geeks think you have the monopoly on geekdom. You are wrong.

The New Middle Ages (this one has one of those little ribbon bookmarks--it's on page 133. What was the first word I saw when I opened it up? "Post-hegemony."

Conflict After the Cold War--Arguments on Causes of War and Peace

UMI Books on Demand: Granada Intervention

Grenada: Revolution and Invasion

Revolution and Rescue in Granada: An Account of the US-Caribbean Invasion

She also has 4 government documents on Granada.

(I checked: those are indeed books about Granada the country and not Granita the refreshing, iced coffee treat from your local barista).

Governing Globalization. This one is an anthology of essays and whatnot from "The top thinkers on the crucial questions of global governance."--This one, I might actually find enjoyable.

Contending Liberalisms in World Politics: Idiology & Power

Wilsonian Idealism in America. I wrote one of my essay questions on my history final about this, in a micro, historical contextual sort of way, actually. Hmmm. Coulda used this book then.

I wouldn't screw around with this chick--she can take over your country and re-governize you before you can say "post-hegemony."

I'm concerned that the worst and largest piece might be the inverse type

In today's Onion, this made me laugh and laugh and laugh. For no good reason, really, just because it's FUNNY--no matter how you feel about the issue.

In other places: The Tower Building is basically no longer. It's a pile of rubble--I don't even know if they still need the wrecking ball at this point.

Props to my own Pissed-off Bastard for agreeing to participate in at least the screening process of a Clinical Trial for Psoriasis. It is incredibly hard for him to talk about and he's not real keen on Doctors. But, I called the research nurse myself, first, got the skinny and talked to him about it so that he would know the sorts of things she'd ask, what the process would be, etc. so it made it easier for him to call. As it is, I happen to know a little bit about the drug they're using--it is being used in one of our clinical trials, though for cancer treatment. Oddly, it's a drug given to diabetics. Anyway, I was also able to tell him about the drug, but had a hard time making him understand why he can't just get a prescription for it.

Also, the POB now has health insurance again. Just this small little thing has given me hope that he can indeed become a real person again. That last job of his really tore him down. Since changing jobs, he's become a relatively more normal person again, even if he's hanging out at the Liquor Store more often. However, I now get invited to stop by. Which I do occasionally, because it's good to have perspective. Epps is always there to tell the story of how we met--how he knew instinctively that I, alone among the women who have ever bought a six-pack at the Liquor Store, was the right girl for the POB. He encouraged the POB to chase me down (which was unnecessary since I never made it off the curb before being accosted by the One-eyed Irish Guy Who Shares My Last Name.) Then Epps goaded the POB: "Oooh, POB, you better go get her, you gots to go out there and get her." The Pissed-off Bastard chose, instead, to wait out my fleeting infatuation with the One-eyed guy. Which worked. Obviously.

Sorry for the confusion

Okay, I'll admit it--I've been watching the war. Well, that's not true--seems strange to me that we've become so much more technologically advanced since 1991 and yet, all the images I'm getting of the war seem to be videophoned and therefore look like virtual reality game sets--what I am actually doing is watching, reading and listening to discussion about the war. Now I understand why the media is the fourth estate or whatever (what are the other estates: the branches of gov't??? what?). Anyway, you can watch the war itself (at least what "they" allow you to see), you can watch or listen to or read commentary about the war, you can watch, listen to or read commentary about the commentary, you can watch, listen to or read commentary about the commentary commentary. It's all very interesting. I admit to being extremely interested in the meta-wars that take place on various discussion areas. No one wants to use the term "Flame War" when these happen, however, which I find interesting as well.

The internet has made this war far more interesting than the other one, though I'm far more against this one. Somehow the Pre-Internet War of 1991seemed to bring people together. I'm afraid that this one is tearing us all apart. There are staunch supporters of this war who would say that is the fault of people like me, who refuse to get caught up in the rhetoric supposedly rationalizing the necessity of this war, and perhaps that's true. Or, I would argue, that this merely another emblem of the division that happened in this country during the Hanging Chad War of 2000-2001 (aka the Presidential election).

Among my favorite "I couldn't have said it better lines" is this: "You can argue for or against the war, but attacking the Iraqi government for not allowing free speech on the one hand, and urging those in the US who avail themselves of free speech to either shut up or leave the US is hypocritical and contradictory" from Samoajoe

The last time I felt this much pressure regarding deadline day was in a month where I opened 8 studies. I'm opening 1. And it isn't even like the big gene therapy trial I'll be opening over the summer that is WAY MAJOR. It really shouldn't be this hard. Worse, because I thought that we weren't going to get someone to agree to run a head and neck trial after one of my favorite doctors leaves, I blocked out a bunch of time to do things for people that I wouldn't have promised had I known that at 3 pm, we'd get someone to agree to do the study after Will leaves. I hated disappointing him.

My flowers are very pretty and very cheering and, in their own way, are reminding me that the weekend is in a few days.

It is time for another Reader Caveat. Though unremarkable, one of my statements in a previous post was apparently vague enough that someone imposed it upon a meat-space situation, and it fit. However, it had nothing to do with that particular situation and everything to do with a comment made to me concerning the changes happening at work. Normally, I would not let such a misconstruance concern me, except that it caused some hurt feelings that were unnecessary and could have been avoided.

Thanks again for the flowers.